Groom 101

How To Be a Great Groomsman (If You Don’t Like The Bride)

Chris Easter

As a member of the wedding party, you are expected to support the groom and stand by his side as he marries the woman of his dreams. But, what happens if the woman of his dreams also happens to be the woman of your nightmares?

If you’re suffering from this bride vs. bro dilemma, we have some words of wisdom for you: She’s not going anywhere! It’s hard to hear – but from now on you’re going to have to share your buddy with the Mrs. You’re also going to have to perform your groomsmen duties with a smile on your face, so it might be wise to start thinking about how this fence can be mended before the big day arrives.

We’d be willing to bet that your dislike for the bride stems from one of the following reasons:

  • You have noticed a decrease in the amount of Friday night poker games or guys’ nights out. You hold her accountable for this because she is constantly keeping him busy with other activities. You are worried that once they get married – you’re never going to see him again.
  • You two never hit it off – and it’s just become awkward. You don’t speak to each other in group settings and you both think the other one doesn’t like you.
  • You are upset because of the way you think she treats your friend. Maybe you’ve witnessed a few arguments or your buddy has opened up about a few things that don’t cast her in the best light.

We’re sure that you’re happy for your friend and you want only the best for him. But, a problem isn’t going to go away unless you address it – We recommend one (or both) of the following options:

Talk to him

Level with your bud. Let him know the reason for the friction. Chances are he already has a pretty good grasp on the situation. Tell him how important it is that you keep a lot of the same friendship rituals active even after the marriage. We’re sure that he won’t want to give up any summer float trips or watching football on Saturday afternoons. Marriage is all about making sacrifices – and so is friendship. You may have to give up watching football on Saturday afternoons – but maybe you can make a new tradition of watching it on Sunday afternoons.

Talk to her

This may not be easy for you. But you’re a man – and you can handle it. Explain to her your side of things and let her do the same. You will feel a lot better once you get the weight off your chest. If your discomfort with her comes from not really knowing her at all – get to know her. Suggest the three of you go out for drinks or get a group together for a bowling outing. Who knows – she may have an available friend that she could introduce you to. This could pave the way to a lifetime of double dates. The main point here is that the more time you spend with her, the more you will start to see the things about her that your friend loves. You might actually end up having a lot in common with her yourself!

TMR Recommendation: When talking with your buddy – don’t let it turn into a bash-fest of his fiancé. No matter what you say, you’re not going to convince him to call it off, move back in with you, and play video games every night for the rest of your lives (as much as that would rock). We simply suggest expressing your thoughts and letting the rest take care of itself.

Bonus Recommendation: Organize a co-ed bowling or softball team. This is a great way to regularly see your friends and also include the ladies.


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